For quite some time now, I’ve felt like I’ve been living in the past. I feel like I’ve been reminiscing too much and too often to the point where the nostalgia has become a bit unhealthy in a way. I don’t ever seem to look forward to the future; to be honest every thought about the future is met with an overwhelming mix of unease and confusion. I don’t even seem to pay attention to the present anymore. Instead of making memories and living in the moment, I’m spending my time dwelling over the past, thinking “what if” or “I should have” or even just replaying memories as they were in my head. The past is in the past and we can never relive it again; everyone knows this, I know it, but why can’t I stop this?
It doesn’t help that it’s such a contrast to everyone else’s attitude, even more so after entering university. Every conversation you overhear involves “I’m so excited for” or “I can’t wait for”, because everyone’s moving forward and meanwhile I’m just stuck in this nostalgic cycle I can’t separate from. The result is this constant, awfully dull feeling - feeling detached from the world and distant from everyone.
AND FRENCH ORAL EXAM IS iN 2 WEEKS EXACTLY???????????????????? /has not finished writing let alone memorising answers/
Nearly halfway through the 2nd week of the holidays and I still need to
As exams are getting closer my ATAR aim is looking more and more unreachable. Need to work a lot harder.
Je suis tellement déprimée. Merde.
This chinese lady came up to me during work and asked me if she was allowed to borrow the books she was holding.
So I was meant to say yes in chinese like "dui" or something like "ni ke yi"
And instead I say "oui"
..Chinese lady asks me a question in chinese and I respond in French. Omg. Quickly corrected myself but WTH T_T … VCE French is brainwashing me.
And later on she went to her husband and was like “”oui” shi shen me yi si?”
Which made me laugh and want to kick myself in the face at the same time
Now is not really a good time to lose all my motivation, energy, willpower, etc
But I sort of have
I’m scared of getting to the end of year 12 and finding out that I didn’t get the ATAR score I aimed for.
What happens if after all that time and effort you can’t get where you want to be?
I have no idea how I’d deal with that tbh.
Lol it really doesn’t seem that long ago that I was in year 7-9 thinking to myself that I’ve still got many years before high school ends. I remember seeing the year 12s around the school and being glad that I had a “long time” before I had to worry about VCE, SACs and exams.. And here I am now. Seriously when did that happen..
Honestly I’m fearing failure. I’m afraid of regretting this year. What if December comes, I get my score, it’s not as high as I wanted, and I’m left to regret not working hard enough/not putting enough effort in? Not like I could do anything by then but still, I don’t want to let that situation to be my reality.
I’m getting used to year 12 I guess; the fact that every SAC counts and this is the most important year of high school, it’s pretty much sunk in. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting this year to be this challenging, but trying to consistently work hard and stay motivated has definitely using all my energy. But I guess that’s my fault for procrastinating, doing late night studying, sleeping late, waking up drained and tired for school, and repeat. And bad marks.. Again, I obviously expected disappointing marks here and there. I know I should see low marks as room for improvement/motivation but so far it’s been hard not to let it drag down my (already low lol) level of motivation.
Now mid year exams are coming up and the endless SACs.. Then before we know it the much dreaded month of November.. Sigh. /dying